Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
this hospital has no fireball
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
