Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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