I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
