I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
