It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
PS: I just woke up from my shower
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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