don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
