I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
