I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
