I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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