My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize