Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.

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(314): View more from Missouri

Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?

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(585): View more from New York

I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?

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(847): View more from Illinois

What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?

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(386): View more from Florida

It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina

(386): View more from Florida

It really is the softest mustache

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.

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(905): View more from Ontario

downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.

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(613): View more from Ontario

He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'

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(562): View more from California

Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.

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