I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
being pregnant is like rehab
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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