sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize