I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
