Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Please don't give away my fajitas
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
