he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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