You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
