Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
