its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
