my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
