laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
