i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
