Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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