mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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