oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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