My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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