Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I lost the right to judge tonight
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
