ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
