Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
