so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
