Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
