yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
