the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
