So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
