im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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