I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
