There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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