So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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