im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
