So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
please come you make the beer taste better
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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