And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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