i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
are you so shy because you have an std?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
