the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
