So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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