At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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