No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
