There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
