You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I love you. Go after that dick
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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