i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I checked into jail on foursquare
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
