He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
