i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
