I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
