Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
