no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
