You can't special order awesome
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
