I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
