i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
