i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
