so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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