Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
