He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
The best revenge is premature balding
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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