Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
