I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize