I'm eating all of the evidence.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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