I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Your shirt... Was in my pants
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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