oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
