I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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