After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Randomize
