Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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