I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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