her vagine was all disorganized.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
