He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
