I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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