ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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