I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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