carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
