It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
