Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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