tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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