He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
