smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize