So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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