i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
