maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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