so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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