I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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