I puked a lego.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
i've created a new STD.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
