The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I need moral support for this bender
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
