I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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