the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
