yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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