Your dad touched me again.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize