I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
