I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
