im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
