How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
