yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
