I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
