I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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