I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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