he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
someone owes me an orgasm
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I think I sprained my soul last night
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
